Maybe I’m just not good at riding a bike

I had my last follow up appointment with my neurosurgeon on Monday. I am currently brace free! I was cleared to start physical therapy! He even gave me the OK to drive… I think I will wait on that one at least until after my first PT appointment considering my range of motion is not quite at the “I feel safe to drive” level. I have gone back to work. I pretty much just jumped right back in. It is painful. It is tiring. It is also wonderfully time consuming and challenging. I have been able to do pretty much everything, and help is always readily available if I need it. I am walking on the treadmill without my brace. Showering is pure bliss. I actually even shed a few tears the first time I stood under the running water.

I was full of questions for Dr. Ramsey at my appointment. Swimming? Yes. Massage? Yes. Yoga? Yes. Running? Yes, but don’t try it for another 3-4 months. Bike?… I wasn’t asking because I want to road race. I wasn’t asking because I want to get right back on my mountain bike. I was asking if he thought I would be able to ride a bike again (any bike) or have I now rendered myself a delicate, fragile, more damageable being who needs to live in a bubble for the rest of my life? His response… “Didn’t you break your hand this year? Maybe you just aren’t good at riding a bike”. Gulp. I won’t go into everything else he said, but my impression was that he thinks cycling is too dangerous. I can’t disagree with that. Nothing he said was anything I hadn’t already thought of. He had a hard time with my pure disappointment. It was impossible for me to hide it. He questioned my desire, and suggested rock climbing, ultra walking, skydiving, swimming, ping pong. Ping pong!?! I’m just not going to think about the bike for now. I will continue to focus on the things I can do, and work hard at PT, gain strength, ROM, continue walking (which I actually do enjoy quite a bit). The bike will be there or it won’t be. I just can’t think about it anymore. It makes me too sad.

What else have I been doing?

Right now I’m Reading:

  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking – Susan Cain
  • Insurgent – Veronica Roth
  • 10% Happier – Dan Harris
  • Brave New Worlds (Dystopian Stories) – John Joseph Adams

I’ve been listening to:

  • Podcasts: Serial, Criminal, Radiolab, TED radio hour
  • Music: Ben Sollee, Head and the Heart, Avett Brothers, Edward Sharpe, The Barr Brothers, bluegrass…always bluegrass

Netflix:

  • House of Cards

Movies:

  • Wild

Hobbies:

  • Knitting, although I have been slowing down quite a bit now that Christmas has past and enter hobby 2 below
  • Ukulele
  • Meditation

Exercise:

  • walking, walking, walking
  • some stationary recumbent bike
  • light weights

My friends have all been continually wonderful, and I am grateful for their understanding, their company, and helpfulness. I feel a little bit less like I’m in a holding pattern, but I still have times where I am very frustrated and angry, and things hurt. Hearing someone say “You’re not very good at riding a bike” was a little painful. Oh my God what am I good at? Breaking bones?…But I’m healing, I’m stronger, and I’m more mobile.  I will take all of those positives.

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